|
|
|
This ballad won second prize in the 2003 Bob High Memorial Competition
at the US Go Congress in Houston, Texas. A haiku won the first prize.
Four brave Americans blast into space,
Risking their lives as they reach for the stars,
Each of them hoping that they'll win the race
To establish the first human contact with Mars.
Before they had lift-off, the orders were clear:
"We've checked every system; on that please depend,
But if there is trouble, when danger you fear,
Then this is the message for help you must send:
Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!
Two months into space, and a problem arises,
There's nothing to do, and the crew are quite bored.
No TV, no music; it really surprises
That their recreational needs were ignored.
They tried playing checkers, but that was no fun,
And bridge led to nothing but partnership strife.
At chess it was always the captain who won.
He declared that he'd not been so bored in his life,
So,
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!"
"We thought of that problem," the answer soon came,
"The interest of games like chess soon fades away.
In a secret compartment we've hidden a game
That will fascinate, however often you play.
They soon learnt to play with the stones and the board,
But at Mission Control, they'd forgotten in space
That the gravity's zero. This fact they'd ignored,
And the stones kept on floating all over the place.
So,
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!"
The answer came back on the inter-space phone:
"Such a problem should not tax the astronaut mind.
Put a small piece of chewing gum under each stone".
And at sticky go soon they left kyu grades behind.
Came the time for Mars landing, and soon they are grounded,
And for the first time our brave heroes feel scared.
By green bug-eyed monsters their craft is surrounded.
For this situation they'd not been prepared,
So,
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!"
"To make friends with these aliens, how shall we try,
For we cannot speak any more Martian than Greek!"
"Use American English," soon came the reply,
"That's what extra-terrestrials usually speak."
To an underground city our heroes are led,
Were they free men or prisoners? How would it end?
The inter-space phones would not work underground,
So that this time the spacemen could no longer send
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!"
Said the king of the Martians, "I'm longing to learn
If you Earthmen are cultured; do you all play go?"
The captain said quickly, "Please let us return
To our ship, and our goban and stones there we'll show.
When the king saw the goban, he said, with a sneer,
"Those 19-line boards we just use for beginners.
Boards with 61 lines are the usual ones here.
Let us play, and see if Earth or Mars are the winners."
So,
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have a problem here, Mission Control!"
"We must keep up the image that we are superior,"
Soon came back the answer, "You must not lose face.
Don't play, or you'll lose, and they'll think we're inferior.
Shut hatches, blast off, and come straight back to base."
To the king said the captain, "We have to leave now.
We've remembered a dinner date back home on Earth,
But we're sure that our Mission Control will allow
Us to come back next year, and show you what we're worth."
So,
"Mission Control! Mission Control!
We have no problem now, Mission Control!"
So what can we learn from this heroic story?
Two main things young astronauts now need to know.
If you hope to return from your journey with glory
Speak American English, and learn to play go! |
|